Well, first of all, if you're here because shit's going really, really wrong, I'm so sorry. That fucking sucks. You don't deserve that. And you don't actually have to be happy right now if you don't want to. It's ok to just let yourself feel shitty for a while. Nothing wrong with that. Bookmark this page, come back to it later.
However, if you're wanting to pull yourself out of a funk and begin to cultivate some more positive energy, here are some ways you can do that.
Figure out what actually makes you happy, and do more of that. Which sounds a lot easier than it actually is. Most of us really don't actually know what makes us happy. In order to find out, you need to get into your body and become aware of how you're actually feeling. So every once in a while, when you think of it, just stop and check in! "What does my body feel like right now? What kind of emotion is that?" Sounds super simple. I promise you, it's not. And then you'll uncover some small little things that actually make you happy, like going to coffee shops or washing your hands with lavender soap or making a to-do list. Adding little, personalized happiness exercises to your life will spread to other areas. And it's way easier to control the happiness in the small stuff when the big stuff isn't working out.
Let your little happy things clue you in to bigger things that make you happy. Maybe you're in a situation where little things are just tiding you over until you can make bigger shifts in your life that you already know you want/need to make, which is perfect. But if you really just know you're unhappy but don't know what you want, use the little happies as clues. Do more and more of them. Follow the little happies down the rabbit hole until you end up at a bigger happy. One of my favorite podcasters, Marie Manucheri, talks about how much she loves coffee shops and would love to work at one if she didn't have her own business. If you love coffee, go work at a coffee shop! If you love flowers and need a change of pace, get a job at a flower shop! Follow your bliss, darling.
Let yourself enjoy what makes you happy. This is a big one. When shit's going really, really wrong, sometimes we think we should feel miserable. That being happy in such a terrible circumstance is morally wrong. Dear friend, please believe me, it's not. You being happy will only improve everyone's situation. Being happy doesn't deprive you of empathy. And being unhappy doesn't fix the cancer or the lost job or the terrible death or the lost relationship. If anything, it just adds to the unhappy of the situation for you and everyone around you. Letting yourself find moments of joy and peace and happiness builds your own strength reserve for when you need to be strong again and helps you come back to normal. And also, you deserve to be happy. Full stop.
Work to let go of how things are "supposed to be." Yeah, sometimes things just suck. And the situation isn't what you wanted or planned for. And it's totally normal to be upset about that. However, the more you repeat the story of how terribly things went wrong and how you're supposed to be wherever doing whatever feeling however, the more unhappy it's going to make you. The fact is, that's not how things happened. And you can choose to wallow (which you really can choose), but when you're ready to move on...move on. Start telling a new story. That might include "things happen for a reason" or it might just be "well, here I am now, what am I going to do about it?"
Let yourself get mad! If all that other happiness, acceptance stuff just feels too far away right now, then just get angry. For real. Anger is more energetic than sadness. It raises your vibration. Sometime ya gotta get angry before you can feel anything else. And I think so many of us try to skip that step, because anger isn't always pretty or "ladylike." But the reality is, anger is a great stepping stone to how you actually want to feel. It's empowered. Get it girl.
Send me a note. Seriously. There's a message form on the bottom of my homepage. Shoot me a note and let me know what's going on. Or fill out this short form for a free 1:1 session. I'm so here for you.